Infidelity / Betrayal Therapy

Betrayals

Betrayal is one of the most painful and destructive acts to a relationship. When we think of betrayal, infidelity usually comes to mind. These days, the rates of sexual and emotional infidelity are unfortunately very high, and the numbers for women are catching up to those of men. The good news is that affairs do not necessarily destroy marriages. In fact, in many cases, affairs are the catalyst for creating healthier, more committed and happier relationships. There are several immediate goals to early sessions involving infidelity:

  • Help each individual in the couple start to heal from the trauma that is experienced.
  • Figure out what led to the affair (see possible causes below).
  • Determine whether both individuals wish to repair the marriage. If one or both do not, figure out the best ways to help the individuals separate in a healthy manner. If both individuals wish to repair the relationship, then the work begins to regain trust and to fix the malfunctioning aspects of the relationship.

As we have accomplished with many couples and individuals, we help you thrive following infidelity. We will help you:

  • Identify the type and meaning of the affair;
  • Determine whether the relationship has a solid future;
  • Focus on healing and moving forwards.

Roots of Affairs

Marital Problems 

  • Spouses avoid conflict, making it difficult for needs to be expressed.
  • Intimacy is frightening to one or both partners of the relationship. An affair provides a “safety valve” for reducing intimacy.
  • The marriage is in trouble. One person refuses to look at their role in the problematic relationship. Infidelity is a last ditch effort to get the spouse’s attention.
  • Revenge affairs occur when the betrayed partner pays back the partner with their own infidelity.
  • ​The infidelity is used as a means of exiting the relationship.

Individual Problems

  • ​Depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, inner emptiness, personality problems, middle-age crises, and empty nest, etc. may all contribute to a person breaking their marital vows.  An affair helps a person distract themselves from inner feelings that seem too difficult to face.

Sexual Addiction

  • Like all addicts, these individuals crave the excitement of the chase, conquest and are addicted to the highs achieved by the sexual act. These highs may be followed with feelings of shame and worthlessness.

Accidental Infidelity

  • These affairs occur accidentally. Perhaps an opportunity arises unexpectedly, and sometimes an altered state (drunkenness or being high) may be involved. These are usually brief and are not likely to be repeated.

Affairs associated with power and status

Research supports the idea that as men and women become more powerful, the lure of affairs becomes greater, as opportunities for infidelities increase.

  • Power and status may lend to long term affairs where the marriage is preserved, while a second long term relationship is also maintained, but not discussed.

Emotional Affairs 

These affairs of the heart may have no actual physical contact. They may be “deep” friendships or online relationships. These undermine marriages in much the same way as actual physical infidelities.

As we have accomplished with many couples and individuals, we help you thrive following infidelity. 

We will help you:

  • Identify the type and meaning of the affair;
  • Determine whether the relationship has a solid future;
  • Focus on healing and moving forwards.

Other Betrayals

  • Betrayals also occur around addictions (e.g., gambling, drugs, etc.) as well as illegal/criminal behavior.  Thus, many individuals find themselves traumatized as they learn that their partner may have spent entire savings on gambling, drugs, etc. Or, partners may be shocked to learn that their spouse was engaged in illegal activities involving white collar crime. All of these betrayals are extremely damaging to a relationship, and to your life. All of a sudden, you may find out that you need to pay for legal representation, and your entire life changes.  While no two cases are alike, we help you heal and support you as you make important decisions and move forwards in the most positive way possible. 
 
To learn more about how we can help you, call:
(973) 669-3333 (Essex County)
(609) 883-2577 (Mercer County)
Text: (201) 341-1219

​Or send an email to:
DrTamara@RelationshipSolutionsNJ.com​​